I looked over at Jeremiah who had excitedly jumped into the passenger seat. Never mind that he was technically too short to be up there, the current situation necessitated a brief intermission in safety protocols.

“We’re either leaving here with a bed or they’ll be harvesting our kidneys to sell on the black market.”

He glanced over at me and, without skipping a beat, muttered, “Yea..this street does look a little murdery.“

Interesting way to describe the cobblestone streets of Old City I suppose. This particular one, where we would either meet our demise or walk away with a sweet deal, was just a block or so away from the Betsy Ross house.

Surely nothing bad could happen to us in such a historic neighborhood this close to the flag lady’s house right? Probably not. I pulled alongside a crumbling red brick building, my car half on the road and half on the sidewalk and looked around anxiously for the seller’s house number.

This felt so odd to me but I chalked it up to first timer emotions. As many times as I had tried before, I was never successful in finding anything remotely of worth on Facebook Marketplace. I figured there was some sort of Konami code for finding the best deals but every time I asked someone they assured me it was a matter of luck and diligence.

Did you expand your search area? Yes.

Did you put in specific criteria? Yes.

I did all of the things and still, I was presented with a bunch of store ads or stuff that people couldn’t offload at their yard sale. Old saggy mattresses and creepy dolls with half the faces rubbed off. I quickly gave up on finding any good deals on Facebook marketplace.

As I made my way around the back of my car, a guy appeared from a doorway, quickly glanced my way and stepped back in.

That must be him, I thought.

I hit the button to lift the trunk door and pushed down the back seat to accommodate the new bed. Stepping back into the street, I gave instructions to Jeremiah to wait for me and greeted the seller who had resurfaced to assure me I was in the right place.

I stepped halfway into his Old City apartment and greeted his wife and kids like we were longtime friends getting together for drinks.

The place was nice and had a modern feel to it. A little girl sat eating a bowl of cereal and there were toys strewn around the floor. Totally normal. Totally not murdery.

The entire transaction lasted about 2 minutes. I shot him the money via CashApp, they carried the bed to my car, and loaded it up for me. Done and done, and I still had all my organs intact.

I hopped back into the driver’s seat, excited about finding the key piece to Noah’s big boy room makeover and was met with a somber face.

“Mom, I told myself if you took too long that I was going to run up in that house and start going crazy. Like a ninja.”

I chuckled as I reached over and rubbed his head, “Well good thing, I don’t think they would’ve survived your ninja attack bud.”

We made our way back over the bridge in one piece and with a hell of a deal on a Oeuf Perch Toddler bed.

Are you a Facebook Marketplace pro? Or a noob like me? What’s the best deal you’ve found? This bed retails for $560 and I got it for $215. It is perfect for what I have in mind for Noah’s room makeover.