I lose my mind every night at bedtime.
I mean full on, ugly parenting, not so proud stage 5 losing it. Every day I tell myself that I’ll be more patient and bedtime will go smoothly, and every night without fail, I continue to lose it. It’s pure chaos and all I want is for Noah to get into bed so I can read him a story, pull up his covers and walk away as he falls asleep.
Except that never happens. Instead, there are 15 requests for water, tantrums over picking out a story, complaints about the blanket not being on his toes right, 13 hugs, 27 kisses, and I lost count how many high five and fist bumps we end with. You see, every time he asks for water, he then needs a hug, kiss, high five and fist bump (each hand). We repeat this bedtime process until I have no patience left.
I know most people would say things like “cherish these moments”, or “you’ll wish you had this time back” but my brain doesn’t process those thoughts when I’m in the thick of it. Quite frankly, I really don’t even like to hear them when I’m feeling exasperated or wanting to vent.
I honestly couldn’t figure out why I was losing it every, single night and then it hit me. Noah going to bed is the start of the little time I have to myself. From the moment I wake up, I’m propelled from one task to another in a constant state of movement and in the company of either my family or people at work. Night time is when I get to be alone and I need my alone time to recharge. I’m an introvert and I get peopled out by the end of the day.
So when that time comes and its soooooo close but keeps getting derailed for things like a stuffed animal being too close or one more mother loving sip of water, I lose it. Then, once this crazy chaotic routine is done, the guilt sets in. Tonight, after yelling at Noah to get back in the bed he screamed, “BUT I WANT MORE KISSES!!!!” and I yelled back “ENOUGH! ENOUGH KISSES! JUST GO TO BED!”
Sigh. Not my proudest moment. I mean who denies kisses to a three year old?
Tomorrow is a new day and I’ve resolved myself to not lose my patience and be gentle but firm with him. I’m determined to not spend another night with heightened emotions.
Wish me luck.